so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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