forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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