I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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