im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
