I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
