Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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