Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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