Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
