I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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