Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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