i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
