i don't plan on having that self control this summer
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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