1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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