i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
