i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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