life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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