I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
