dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
