I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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