I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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