1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
