my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
