She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
