The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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