Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
