maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
