My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
