Got a toothbrush?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
