I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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