So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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