TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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