Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
