you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
