I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
