i was born a porn star she said
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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