so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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