rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
