ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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