Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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