his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
