even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
