he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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