1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
