Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
