I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
