WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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