On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
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He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
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I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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