Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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