I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize