I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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