I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
