WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
