mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
