dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
