Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i out mim tonsoeep
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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