Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
