hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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