I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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