i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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