nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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