New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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