walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
