Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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