if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
