he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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