i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
