you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
