pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
