if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
