You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
