i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
